Of the difference between steady and spiritless.

Why do I have to be in the middle of something to remember how much I enjoy it? And if I am in the middle of something, why can't I remember that there are other things I enjoy doing too? I've been thinking lately about how focused I can be on whatever I happen to be doing at the present moment. I enjoy being passionate and energized about what I do, I just don't like that I can loose sight of other things that aren't immediately in front of me. Put me in one situation, and I'll think "wow... I'd forgotten how much I love this. I should spend more attention on it. Let me do that by promising to do ___! How fun!" A bit of space and I'll think "dang. I'd rather be doing ___." Usually with much growling I'll follow through on what I promised to do, and almost always end up happy that I did - still. I wish I was a bit more even-keeled.

Really this isn't anything new to me, I've known about that tendency for a while, so I try to be careful about what I let myself commit to. Sometimes too careful. Steadiness doesn't seem to come naturally to me... when I aim for it, I skew into being overly-cautious and indecisive. It's fun to hop from activity to activity, not tied to any one place - but it's also shallow. How do you learn discipline, courage, or trust doing something like that? Constantly reminding yourself when you want to jump into something that "you may not feel the same tomorrow!" is a terrible and sure-fire way to do nothing at all. Really it's an uninteresting and absurd statement - of course you won't feel the same "tomorrow." How else would God teach perseverance (or humility - when you have to admit you got yourself involved where you shouldn't have)?

So I'm not sure yet how to temper enthusiasm to something more reasonable, but I think I prefer being overly-bold (and occasionally grumpy about my obligations) to being... lukewarm and timid.

Chicago Hangover

Back to being south of the mason dixon, and I had a big smile on my face when I heard the captain saying "current temperature in Nashville is at 40 degrees." I feel like I saw as good a view of Chicago as you can get in sub-freezing temperatures, am happy to be back, but it's still an adjustment to return to normalcy. First off, I'm used to having all my meals/bar-stops planned for me. Lastnight we went to the observatory/cafe at the John Hancock building and leaned over people eating appetizers to look out all the windows on the 96th floor. I will second the vote that the view from the women's bathroom is the best in the city, only the windows were frosting over so you couldn't see *as* well. We tried to take a few pictures, but it's hard to really convey how it looked with a camera. Then there was a round of wine and cheese sampling at bin 36, finally over to Mike's favorite Italian place (which is likely mob run). I can't even tell you how awesome the food was at this place, and the owner/head-chef came over and insisted we do a shot of tequila with him. There was nothing I could say to get out of it either :) He insisted that if Katie Holmes took a shot at his request, I could too - or he would never speak to me again. So obviously I took the shot (he had them pour me a small one. such a sweetie). Today I had brunch with some of Mike's family, followed by a visit to the art museum where we overdosed on pretty pictures until time to leave for the airport. Well, some were pictures. You get into the modern art section and there's no telling what you'll find. One guy decided to "shun the use of color" at some point in his career and only did black paintings (think solid black paint covering the canvas). Another decided that the physical realization of his art was unnecessary, so he just put the title up on the wall. Most of the stuff was awesome though. The flight home was amazing as usual, I love seeing cities at night from the air.

I think I'll hold out on my overall opinion of Chicago for seeing it in nicer weather. You just couldn't walk around and get a good look at the city when you were focused on keeping your core temperature above 60. Still, the shopping made it good and the people made it amazing - can't ask for more.

So. Tired.

Yesterday was a marathon of activity and food. Lunch was at chipotle near Mike's work and I got to see his swank office. The lobby of this office building is incredible - huge, 100% marble encrusted, ceilings at least 100ft high, with walls of marble going up like 20ft or so sprinkled throughout in crescent shapes. Crazy. He has a great view from his office, and risked his professional career by raising the blinds so I could take a picture. From thence we went to his apartment (awesome) and to the merch mart. I've never seen so many leather couches, enormous vases, and faux greenery in my life. It was pretty cool, more fun once Mike and I began the game of "guess how much that costs," and after a couple hours of going to random floors we broke for some Baskin Robbins in the food court.

Mike and I were starting to flag, but we pulled ourselves together for the next round of festivities: meeting his coworkers at Peterinos, the bar Avanade takes over every Friday. I have to say he works with a fun gang. Everyone I've met in Chicago is so friendly! I would have thought there would be more big-city reserved seriousness, but not at all. At least not in the people I've stumbled across. Anyways, we had to break away from Peterinos for our dinner reservations at Cafe Ba Ba Reeba (Mike's favorite tapas place) and after that meal Mike and I were near comatose. We managed to make it back to his place and called on a bottle of wine to keep us awake until the 11pm show at Second City. I don't know if it was because I was so tired or what, but I wasn't hugely impressed with the show. I mean it was funny, but I think I laughed harder at the bar when Mike tipped over a chair than at the show. It seemed more like shock-humor where you think "nooo... they didn't just say that!" (which I'm not really a fan of because it's usually hurtful or insensitive to a really sensitive situation). Still, it had it's funny parts. :) We were seriously so tired by this point, Mike literally dosed off in part of the show, so I think it was a relief to both of us when it was over and time to catch a cab for home.

Mike and I are planning on hitting up the art museum this afternoon, eat at his fav italian place (I'm going to gain fifty pounds on this trip), and hit up the john hancock observatory tonight for some pictures (he's letting me borrow his camera for the rest of my trip). OH WOW! I HAVE AN IPOD. Mikey got a sleek new video ipod over the Christmas holidays and gave me his old one that he doesn't use anymore!!!! I'm so pumped, and heading down to the apple store today to get a few essentials for it. *So* exciting :) :) Not sure if I'll go shopping this morning or go to one of the parks with Daniel. I feel like he hasn't taken the time to get a feel for Chicago at all! Then again, if a city isn't over a thousand years old, Europeans are uninspired with it. I have a feeling if I take him to a park he'll be like "eh. You should see the parks in Paris." It's not a snobbish thing, it's just a natural outcome I suppose. When you grow up around those types of places so rich with history, it's hard to see something in the US as being impressive. :) Still, I'm happy to be someone who would love to see those places overseas but can still be enchanted by simple twinkle-lights on trees lining an avenue. :)

Chicago Update!

I've got a few minutes before I have to hop on the train to go meet MikeV, so I'm sending out a quick update. Travel here was pretty good, with only one item confirmed lost (my knit hat, lost at the nashville airport). The flight was *amazing*. I still have that child-like excitement about going on a plane. It's hard to recognize the land below you as the city you've lived in all your life, and the scale of it always impresses me. You look down and see so many houses, buildings, cars driving to their destination - so many people with their own goals and dreams and problems, with no idea that I'm seeing a little snapshot of their life from a plane. It makes me feel very small in the grand scheme :) So impressive, how complex the tapestry is that is being woven with my life and everyone elses. Then the plane climbs up above the clouds and it's like another world. I'm not sure I even have the words, but it's incredibly beautiful. I tried to take a picture but a) my camera is lame and b) the plane windows were a little cloudy. Sadly, because of point a on that list, I haven't been able to get the picture off of my camera, so I'll have to figure it out when I get home and post all 6 pictures I'll be taking on this trip (the batteries for my camera fade in about five minutes. again, see bullet point a).

Okay so I get here to the hotel and settle into my room (which is nice), and promptly head out shopping. Well first of all, understand that it is incredibly cold and I lost my knit hat. So I walk a few blocks and run across Water Tower Place (huge building that is basically a shopping mall), and run in to Macy's to try and find a hat. Several cute knit things were on sale, and I felt certain this was a sign from above as to the level of success I'd have for all my shopping this weekend. With my new goodies for keeping warm, I set off again - destination: anthropologie. OH. MY. GOSH. Is it possible that someone specifically constructed a store just for me? I was like a child in a candy store, and basically spent the rest of the afternoon there until I had to head back and meet mike at 8pm. I could easily have gone bankrupt in that store, but I'm happy to say I kept a decent grip on sanity. Still, I dare say that once the weekend is said and done, the shopping line-item is going to make me very glad that I don't have a husband to tell about it. I'd look awfully cute with my new things when I did tell him though, and I have to think that would have helped.

Dinner that evening was Chicago style deep-dish pizza and oh so good. My eyes got big the first time I saw it, I had no idea thats what people meant when they said "Chicago deep dish." An incredible start to the food discoveries. Then I came back to the hotel and going up in the elevator met a guy from Germany who had been here on a business trip for Mercedes-Benz for the past week and was bored out of his mind, and so we grabbed a few drinks at the hotel bar. He is actually from Croatia where his family is and has a house there, but works in Germany. Always so interesting to hear people talk about their home country and the different culture. I feel like he was a little bit hard on American culture (not in a mean way, just his observations), but I'll chat more on that later. A really good-hearted, sincere guy, so it's nice to have stumbled across another friend in Chicago. Now I have enough buddies to cover all meals and exploration! An excellent set-up so that no one person feels like they need to keep up with me all the time :)

Not sure what I'll be up to today. A lot of food obviously seems to be on the plan. Daniel (German friend) and I grabbed some breakfast from the hotel restaurant. I know that sounds lame, in our defense we tried to set out in search of something more... special. Two people who know nothing of Chicago aren't going to get far on that plan, though, and it's too cold to wander around aimlessly outside, so after walking the block in search of some place he saw from a taxi cab, we chose warmth over special. In a few minutes I'll be on a train to meet mikey and his friends from work, and then going to his favorite lunch stop. I think I'd like to hit up the merchandise mart/water tower to walk off all the food and then go to the john hancock building tonight to see the city from the observatory and drink an exhorbitantly expensive cocktail :) I shall conserve as much camera juice as I can - maybe I can squeeze a few pictures on it before it dies again.